My Life

So depressed.

It's like im in a whole and each time I try to climb out the wall gives way and I fall back down to the bottom again.

I think this will be my las t Lj entry.

Everything is fucked.

I wish I had someone left.

I'm going to change something, i'm going to make this better.

Well lots of things seem to be happening at the moment. TFM is no more so new musix are to be started, its time to venture into weird and wonderful lands where I have never trod before ! My new phone is working a bit at the moment but not totally so :(

Im kind of freaking out. Im qualified for nothing, my A levels mean shit and any degree I could get with them would be useless. I cant do music because after almost 2 years im no where near a good enough singer songwriter or guitarist. I cant write because its too hard for me to stick to something like that. I cant act because to get anywhere in that industry you need to be offered the perfect role for yourself in a big movie and there arnt that many roles that are perfect for people.

So basically im trying to think of what to do with my life and I just got nothing. Practice makes depression. :(

I havn't been as obsessed with my appearance lately, which is just as well as it was a major source of depression but im starting to feel really insecure about it again. Sucks.

Most things are ok at the moment, hopefully friday will be good and not a total let down but whatever.

I seem to be incapable of doing things that I was getting better at which is annoying but what are you gonna do right.

Dude mike totally spassed out on me just now, he like said he hates jonny and said some random gay shit and basically finished up with saying he didnt want to hang around with me/my people anymore and said it was self evident...what a cunt

If you dont like someone because of one thing they said to you then you shouldnt take it out on like everyone you know.

I can't get over that robin man.

P.S.

I love taz loads.

P.P.S

The new MCR stuff is fucking amazing ! word.

Im feeling better about Hells now, although im a bit worried about 2moz as I have to go from 8 AM till about 12 AM (As in midnight) maybe without going to the toilet, this will be harsh.

I hope to find some kind of solution.

Yion (Whose name will always be spelt phonetically here) dressed up like a pirate, had a fight with a ninja and did a front flip in the corridor. Fucking legend.

Feeling a bit better about Hells now but loads of other things seem to be fucking up in my world at the moment, luckily I have trainspotting quotes in my head to make sense of the world.

"MAN: You seem eminently suited to this post but I wonder if you could explain the gaps in your employment record?

RENTON: Yes, I can. The truth -- well, the truth is that I've had a long-standing problem with heroin addiction. I've been known to sniff it, smoke it, swallow it, stick it up my arse and inject it into my veins. I've been trying to combat this addiction, but unless you count social security scams and shoplifting, I haven't had a regular job in years. I feel it's important to mention this. "


Poll #824183 Eugh I can make polls
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 4

Whats the point in getting a paid account ?

Girls are weird.

So whats the plan then ?

Im dropping psychology and definately sticking with English Combined and Film Studies, im not totally happy with sociology but I can stick it :)

I dont know who my friends are at the moment which is weird but I really wanna party as well, nicola keeps trying to talk to me at hills which is hell, she hasnt been my friend for over a year so why is she talking to me now ? There are people I wanted to stay friends with at Hills that are distancing themselves from me and stuff which is a bummer and nobody "apparently" has any free periods with me as i've spent them all on my own/partly in meetings so far except today when I happened to bump into ed jess and phil on the computers.

I really really really fucking hate and despise hills, its the worst abomination of a place i have ever encountered, I hate everyone in all of my classes, i spent my hour long free period walking in a circle around the college on my own and my lunchtime was spent handing in forms and then wanerding around looking for my next class with taz, the teachers are a joke and not at all what i expect from hills road standards and the subjects are structured stupidly so by the time i study frankenstein in english i will have forgotten it again and as i read it yesterday cos i thought we would be doing it today that adds to my annoyance

fuck hills road its a shithole full of cockass

im either dropping out or dropping a subject or 2, i have a meeting with tutor

Well everything was going alright I guess but no im about to start Hills Road the hardest thing ive ever had to do with all the OCD implications and situations i'll have to face and I spent months preparing for and getting everything worked out and then im ill, with food poisoning on the first day so i miss all the initiation and taz stayed round the night i was ill so it was annoying for her and my dad is in england and now i dont get to spend a day with him. Now I have to go to the guidance office and do all this extra crap tommorow and its gonna be hell and then everyone else has already had a chance to meet everyone else and will be in cliques and stuff and I find it hard to talk to new people and make friends as it is and then to top it off my family are being even colder to me than they usually are and i'm not gonna see any of my old friends anymore (bar their screennames) so wooo, go bens life, its amazing how unhappy you can be when there are people in third world countries dying and stuff and they must be like way unhappier >_>

"Induction programme for Benjamin Abbott

Please read all of this information and if possible print a copy for further reference

Your Tutor is Mrs Helen Higgins

Your Programme for Friday 8th commences with:

10am - Arrive at College and be shown to your tutor room

10.15am - Meet your tutor and tutor group"

Anyone else the same as moi ?

something louise just said to me on msn

" the sacrasm, ben. it doesnt suit you"

has she even met me ?

THIS IS AN EMERGENCY ANNOUNCEMENT:

Emma has bailed on everyone for some fucked up reason so I need everybody to work together to try and find a venue to have the party tommorow.

Today was pretty good, band practice went really well and I wrote a new song in like 5 minutes and I think its the best thing we have ever played, we are adding it into our list of things we are recording :)

After band practice me and taz went to the grafton and I bought some books and then we bought chocolates from thortons and cheeseburgers from Welch, skank made us pay !!!

Im giving trillian another chance and so far im not impressed.

Behold!:

Happy now ?

Ok well heres a couple of pics from oscars party, enjoy bitches:

http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v389/para_g/oscarsparty/

feel free to roam my photobucket, I have nothing to hide...


A prize if you can tell what i was thinking in my photo, not jess cos i told you !

Word.